Bernabeu Bites: Higuian Bores His Teammates, Cruyff Shoots His Mouth Off Again, And Then There's Neymar

MADRID, SPAIN - OCTOBER 15: Gonzalo Higuain of Real Madrid celebrates after scoring Real's opening goal during the La Liga match between Real Madrid and Real Betis Balompie at Estadio Santiago Bernabeu on October 15, 2011 in Madrid, Spain. (Photo by Denis Doyle/Getty Images)

Welcome to Bernabeu Bites where every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday we take you around the world of Real Madrid, Liga BBVA and even through in some European football all in tasty bite size form. So sit back, relax grab your beverage of choice and enjoy!

If you haven't read any of Sid Lowe's stuff, I highly suggest you do, because he's fantastic. In his column this time around, he tackles an interesting subject, one that has madridistas going one of two ways. He's a striker that has never fully won over the Spanish press or some of the Real Madrid supporters.

The subject of his column is Gonzalo Higuian. Here's just a taste of the article, because I thought this was pretty funny. So do yourself a favor and after reading the rest of Bernabeu Bites, go read his full article.

Gonzalo Higuaín departed the Santiago Bernabéu on Saturday night carrying a white paper bag. In it was the match ball -- signed by his teammates. After all, tradition dictates and Higuaín had just scored a hat trick against Real Betis. Most had simply written "well done" or "congratulations" on the ball, or scrawled their signature. Álvaro Arbeloa, though, was different. He had written: "you're getting a bit boring now with the hat tricks."

You know what gets my blood boiling? Old time footballers, who have for the most part lost touch with the modern game as it passes them by at break neck speed. Do you really care what Pele has to say about Neymar? Or that Johan Cruyff is shooting his mouth of to the press about Jose Mourniho?

However, he does come back to complement the team.

"Honestly, no-one cares about what Mourinho says. No-one can deny that Madrid have been playing very well in the last years," Cruyff said. "In 2009-10, they beat their record for the highest number of points in the league."

"When that happens, who can say they are playing poorly? Barca play very well and win titles, but Madrid are playing very well and they have a great team."

-Johan Cruyff via Goal.com

Ah yes Neymar, remember him? The man of the bad hairdo and the mouthy agent. Well this time Santos' president is speaking about his prized player again. It seems like Neymar isn't going anywhere, and that he's not only rejected bids from Real Madrid, but Premiership side Chelsea and FC Barcelona as well...ugh.

"He has a contract with Santos until 2015 and if we look at what is written in the contract, in 2015 he will decide where he wants to go, he will own the entirety of his economic rights," Luis Oliveira told TV Esporte Interativo. "If it is up to me, he will not go, he will stay at Santos. Here, he is a king, an emperor."

"I turned down a €30 million cheque from Chelsea and I will continue turning down offers," he added. "Both Barcelona and Real Madrid offered the same €45m, thinking Santos would be willing to sell. My answer was short: No."

Hey Oliveira -- a bit of advice: the kid already has a huge ego--let's try not to feed into that, please.

This weekend los blancos will be taking on Malaga, who went on a bit of a spending spree that includes former Meringue Ruud van Nistelrooy. They're hoping to rebound after last weekend's loss to Levante 3-0, though I'm not sure Real Madrid is going to let them. He has already vowed that if he scores against his old club, he wont celebrate the goal.

"If I score against Madrid I will not celebrate," he is quoted as saying by Marca. "I am not really thinking about this [scoring]. We just want to prepare well for the game."

-Ruud van Nistelrooy

I must have missed that rumor file: apparently at some point los blancos were linked to FC Barcelona failure and current AC Milan striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Yikes, I know we could really use a striker -- But Ibra? Really? Well, thank goodness his agent has snuffed this one out.

"Ibra is happy at Milan", said Raiola. "He has no desire to leave and is not negotiating with Real Madrid. "I don’t know whether he will end his career at Milan, but he certainly will respect his contract and will play for Milan for the next two seasons."

"I don’t know what will happen next, but he’s not going to Real Madrid."

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