Real Madrid Monday Bullets

I feel like "the roundup of other people's work" is a sort of blogger short cut, a semi-journalistic trope that hides the fact that you haven't produced anything of your own. And, unfortunately, that's true today. I've done none of my own work, so I'd like to hide behind these headlines and pretend that it took tons of effort to round them up!

But the good news is that I'll provide extremely funny** commentary on all the headlines.

• Apparently, this will be the decisive week in determining the futures of Neymar and Kun Agüero. Hey, at least all of these garbage stories, and absolute, utter nonsense will finally stop.
• Oh, who am I kidding, this sh** never ends.
• Pepe and Sergio Ramos picked up minor injuries in the LA Galaxy game. While I'm sure they'll be totally fine, this hit-driving article from Marca.com wants us to get nervous!
• But at least Mourinho is keeping the mood light! He's apparently chatting with the Portuguese players about the dire situation in their country. A lot. Blech. Bummer.
• And, to keep everyone calm, Marca reminds us that there will be "lots of competition" on this new Madrid. Phew! I was worried all the players would feel comfortable!

• Goal.com has given us an in-depth look at a Real Madrid training session. So, if you thought watching paint dry was boring, well check this out! It'll make paint drying look like...grass growing.
• OH GOD NO! Mourinho apparently forgot to mention Hamit Altintop in a list of players who weren't available for the LA Galaxy match.
• Mourinho condescendingly threw the Galaxy a bone, praising them for "agreeing to play." In fairness, given the result, and the fact that they have and important match coming up, they didn't have a huge incentive to play. But still, com'on dude.
• David Beckham is, apparently, a classy guy. He praised Real Madrid, CR7, and essentially all of European football after the game. Wait, is "classy" the right word? Desperate, maybe?

Well, that's all the I've got. I hoped you enjoyed the insightful, witty commentary on other people's work. #TransferSeason

**I cannot guarantee that any of the statements contained within are "funny," or conform to any definition of "funny" that might include the word "extremely." I apologize in advance for any misunderstandings.