Real Madrid and Neymar: Two Completely Opposite, Yet Equally Annoying Rumors

The intricate, complicated, and deeply exasperating Real Madrid and Neymar love affair took an especially annoying turn today when two separate stories surfaced carrying essentially opposite meanings. First, Real Madrid Fanboy Tabloid #1 reported that Mourinho wants the Brazilian sensation as soon as possible, and that Madrid were "only a question of hours" away from announcing his signing.

"What huge news!" I thought as I hurried to confirm the story--essential practice whenever tabloids are involved.

But of course, the second place I checked, Real Madrid Fanboy Tabloid #2 had just reported that a representative from Santos confirmed that Neymar would stay at least through January, if not longer.

While these stories don't necessarily contradict each other--it could be true that while Mourinho wants him immediately, he won't actually arrive until January--listening to this drivel has lead me to come up with a 3-step list of things to do when a Real Madrid-Neymar rumor appears.

1. Ask yourself: is this rumor really worth my time?
2. But really, is it worth your time?
3. It's probably not. Do something else.

The facts of the case are these: Neymar and Santos are stuck in a bind because he wants to both play for Madrid now and for Santos in January. The club wants to keep him until January, but are willing to accept Madrid's €45 bid.

So here's what an actual resolution to the case would look like:

• "Neymar has officially rejected any move to Real Madrid until January, and the club is willing to accept his transfer then."
• "Neymar and Santos have agreed to Real Madrid's terms, and the striker is currently flying to Madrid for a medical examination."
• "Real Madrid have told Neymar and Santos to go off themselves, and have offered Atlético €55 for Kun Agüero."

I am completely comfortable in saying that if I hear another nonsensical Neymar rumor, I will tear up whatever newspaper/tabloid it appeared in. And I get all my stuff online, so that means I'll destroy my computer. You have my "word."

Friend of the site (and recent guest of the podcast) Graham over at We Ain't Got No History expressed exactly how I feel about Neymar in graph form, so definitely check that out.

In actual Real Madrid news, los blancos are currently in San Diego getting ready to play an exhibition match against Chivas de Guadalajara (of Mexico). [Edit, 7:18pm EST: Real Madrid-Chivas will be broadcast on ESPN2 at 11pm EST]. I know this for two reasons: first, because it's my job to know that, and second, because Álvaro Arbeloa announced it on his twitter feed:

So get excited for the "game" tonight (and I do use "game" lightly here, because apparently Mourinho will use 19 different outfield players, and Fabio Coentrão will be the offensive mind of the team).

But it's OK! James Bond is protecting Real Madrid!