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APOEL 0-3 Real Madrid, UEFA Champions League 2012: Mourinho Speaks!

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José Mourinho spoke to the press following Real Madrid's 0-3 thrashing of underdog Cyprus side APOEL in the UEFA Champions League on Tuesday. He seemed to be in a good mood. Which was pretty understandable. Given the circumstances, if that wasn't clear.

"We needed a lot of minutes to score the first goal, and our rivals played well despite not having the economic or footballing power of other teams in the Champions--but they're a great organization. We had to be really tight at the back to be able to win, but in the end we've pretty much locked up the tie."

And that's all he said.

PSYCHE. (Is that still funny?) I mean, come on. This is Mourinho we're talking about. He had tons more to say, especially about his last-minute decision to start Nuri Sahin over Esteban Granero in the midfield. Come, follow me on a playful romp as we examine the rest of his fanciful quotes! ... Click "continue reading." You know you want to...

"[Sahin] was great tonight, and we're all really happy about it, because he's a great kid who's been trying to overcome a tough situation--coming to a club like Madrid when he wasn't fit to practice or play. This was the perfect match for him because I knew we'd have a lot of the ball."

Ha! He knew all along that Madrid would have the ball! What a genius! A masterstroke! (I don't mean to be insensitive here, but let's give Mourinho credit for the things that were really complicated, like the pinpoint substitutions that swung the game, and not the obvious inanities like "I knew we'd see a lot of the ball.")

He had a lot to say about the end of the DICTUM OF SILENCE (that's what it was called, right?):

"We needed to calm down. We've done the best job we can do, and so has everyone else. But some weird things had happened that we didn't want to talk about, and we're not going to talk about then now either."

He lobbed a final parting shot at FC Barcelona, who play AC Milan tonight: "I just hope that at the end of the game no one is talking about the referees." OH SNAP. (That was a total burn, amiright?!)

None of his players would reference exactly what incidents made them decide to take a VOW OF SILENCE, though both Sergio Ramos and Pepe commented on it after the match:

Ramos: "If we were silent, it was for a reason. But we don't want to talk about Villarreal or referees right now; we also don't want to be silent all season." That would be a total #vaguetweet if he were a 12 year old white girl on Twitter.

Pepe: "After the Villarreal game we were sad. The players and coaches got together and decided not to speak so that no one could misinterpret our words, and to calm ourselves down." So he's not some sort of humanoid killbot? He has...emotions? OH MY GOOOD!

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