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Why the Bale-Di María swap is an absurd rumor

Yep, this actually got published.

Stu Forster

The Express, based in London, not to be outdone by fellow luminaries in the field of journalism such as The Daily Mail and Metroran a story today in which a fantastically in-depth (/sarcasm) report suggested that Carlo Ancelotti is FED UP with Gareth Bale's antics during his stint against Liverpool this Tuesday and is now seeking to trade him to Manchester United for former Real Madrid wantaway Angel Di Maria. Notice how there are no quotes attributed to a single person in each club's camp.

Here are some other transfer rumors which will be sure to come from the Express soon thereafter if this line of thinking is extended:

  • Cristiano Ronaldo for a half eaten oven-roasted southwestern spice turkey sandwich;
  • Karim Benzema for a quarter pound of Unobtanium;
  • Jese for some of James Franco's invisible art;
  • Isco for a replacement pack of Swingline staples;
  • James Rodriguez for a pair of shoelaces but not new ones, a pair with the little plastic thing at the end of them being cracked and frayed and only being held together by a piece of tape;
  • Rafa Varane for one of those cans of air you use to clean up your keyboard when crumbs of your half eaten oven-roasted southwestern spice turkey sandwich fall in between the keys;
  • Sergio Ramos for the 2004 July/August edition of Sheep! Magazine;
  • Dani Carvajal for a $25 gift card to Miss Cleo's Psychic Friends Network;
  • Keylor Navas for Emile Heskey.

Asier Illarramendi will stay with Madrid. No one wants Asier Illarramendi.

But seriously, what low level of intelligence and knowledge of the sport it would take for someone to take this "report" even remotely seriously is staggering. I get that it's a slow sports new day but come on, there's absolutely nothing about this story which makes any sense.

Remember, kids: friends don't let friends click on Twitter transfer rumor links.

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