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Even God Has No Idea What Zinedine Zidane Is About To Do Next

Zidane’s dancing circles around the divine.

Real Madrid Training and Press Conference Photo by Alex Broadway/Getty Images

HEAVEN—Following a number of random lightning bolts and an abruptly sunken continent, various celestial beings have confirmed that God has lost himself to a fit of rage after his inability to predict Zidane’s tactics and team selection for the umpteenth time. When asked for a quote, God appeared before Managing Madrid reporters screeching, “I’M FUCKING MORGAN FREEMAN BITCH! I’M SUPPOSED TO KNOW EVERYTHING!” After calming down somewhat, Mr. Freeman revealed that he had zero fucking clue about what went on inside Zidane’s head. “It’s like the baldness reflects my divine powers like it reflects light or some shit. So I tried to look up a bunch of tactical reviews on, but it’s all fucking useless. I mean, who fucking plays Casemiro at center back?! Bale up front?!! Theo as a left-winger?!!! Isco as a false 10 roaming DM?!!!!” At press time, God could be seen grumbling to some angels about how BBC was no longer non-negotiable, thus eliminating the last predictable element in Zidane’s lineup selection.

Stay tuned, as Managing Madrid’s crack reporting team will update you with more news as this story develops.

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