LONDON, England—Managing Madrid’s inside sources have revealed that Florentino Pérez issued secret directive “Operation HurriKane” on April 25th, 2018, 3:37:48 CEST. Based on our intelligence, the Real Madrid president ordered elite undercover operative Raúl Gonzalez - codename “El Ferrari” - to infiltrate Tottenham Hotspurs headquarters to sow thoughts of secession within Harry Kane. When asked for a quote, Pérez declined to comment on the issue, simply emailing Managing Madrid reporters with an article from their primary propaganda arm MARCA: Raul Visits Tottenham Training To Study Pochettino’s Methods. The article claims that Raúl is in London to complete his coaching license in order to make him eligible to coach Juvenil B - one of Real Madrid’s youth team. But our sources have contradicted this claim and revealed the truth of the matter. As of May 3rd, 2018, 6:49 p.m. CEST, Agent Ferrari’s operation seems to be on course for success.
He has successfully made contact with his target and has engaged in advanced psychological manipulation to ensure that Kane finds his way to the Bernabéu before the start of next season.
Managing Madrid’s crack reporting team will continue to update you as this story develops.