The truth is finally revealed
The Earth is flat like the Bernabeu’s field
The Moon is a ball that spins around it
The Sun is a yellow card, that’s the reality we need
The stars in the sky are camera flashes
The players are here, the fans are gonna tweet
That it’s great to visit all these matches
Their addiction to football never will be healed
In Space, every bright idea turns into ashes
But the fans think this team will succeed
With the coach who always wears sunglasses
And never checks newsfeed
This Summer, the fake news is gonna blow
On the screen of your smartphone
Real Madrid still hopes to find Ronaldo’s clone
Who’s brave enough sit down on this throne?
All those famous superstars are still unknown
Real Madrid needs a leader with a heart of stone
Every player who leaves this club will be alone
And will try to gain followers on his own
Bro, didn’t you know?
Trust me, that is not cruel at all
Seems like the normal football is already gone
Ramos is no more welcomed in the Egyptian pyramids
Haters say he did some awful things
They also mention some weird stuff about karma
So what? You know, a hater never wins
And ‘Modric for the Golden Ball’ is our newest mantra
But now it’s time for us to think
Who is gonna score at the Wanda?
Oh well, we really need Ronaldo
Fashion trends for the new season:
Real Madrid is gonna wear Twitter Night Mode
The players are ready to decode La Liga’s secret code
Ronaldo’s in a prison garb, maybe he forgot to pay the tax
But he’s gonna be alright, relax
Flo Perez bought a formal suit, he better buy a fax
Or a talented player from Ajax
The hottest football news:
The video of Vinicius’ skills reached five billion views
Neymar went crazy and got a thousand tattoos
Shock! Real Madrid completely forgot how to lose!
Kroos plays in every single match, there’s no excuse
He is exhausted and waiting for a muse
Mbappe will join Real Madrid in 2052
Whoever, Hazard will still play for the Blues
Shock! All the natural disasters across the globe
Are the fault of Benzema’s very awful shot
Experts say he would be better in any other sport
Real Madrid has to buy a decent striker on the spot
Hurry up, a top match is about to start
In the league of the best football clubs
Real Madrid vs Real Madrid, it’s a pure football art
There are so many football stars
So don’t forget to check the stats
Varane has no idea what to do with all these cups
Now Valdebebas is located on Mars
Casillas is gonna land on the dark side of the Moon
Some postcards from him will arrive soon
50% discount on the transfer of Gareth Bale
Connect with his agent by email
In the last final, Bale played a fiery game
Wait, is he injured again?
Seems like misfortune twisted on the dragon’s tale
And now it’s the end of this fairytale
Bale’s gonna leave the club where he shot to fame
I heard he is linked with Marseille
Oh no, without him Real Madrid will definitely fail
Bale’s gonna stay, he failed the medical test
Flo Perez put Modric under house arrest
Well, uncle Flo is strict, but he knows best
I heard he also never rests
His job is making other teams depressed
Flo’s players are the best of the best
And they are proud to play for this badge on the chest
This club is his kingdom and you are just a guest
Are you a hater of him, just like the rest?
Then if you meet him you better run
He makes good things just for the fans
And he is gonna buy Messi, just for fun
Who cares about the transfer ban?
Breaking! In the next few seasons
Real Madrid will sack 28 managers
Just like that, without any reasons
Go say what you think about it in 280 characters
The players don’t care about the fan’s feelings
I heard Mendes is planning some transfer dealings
Let’s hope it’s about James Rodriguez
By the way, when is Lucas Silva gonna come back?
It’s a good question for the Mailbag
Sometimes the football world is like a bull
And Real Madrid is like a flag of red
The club’s trophy room is still not full, APorLaFinal hashtag
So yeah, go ahead and bet
On this club to win the Champions League back to back to back to back
And also La Liga, the Spanish Cup, the treble, the quadruple
Wait, here’s a fresh transfer rumour:
Real Madrid is gonna sign Comunicado Oficial
Please excuse the poet’s musty sense of humour
What a sensational drama:
Ramos said he’ll break up with his beloved yellow card
Yes, being a footballer is always very hard
Los Galacticos era is nothing but a cult
Casemiro is tired of being a midfield guard
Bale forgot that Ronaldo’s goal is in copyright
You can hear Isco calling ‘Drama!’ in his backyard
Being a footballer is incredibly hard
Hey fans, cheer up!
Our team has the trophies of all kinds
And its counter-attacks are like the lightning strikes
So there’s nothing to discuss
You know, sometimes it seems like
Barcelona, Atletico and Juventus are gonna replace us
And get more retweets and likes
Don’t worry, guys
Real Madrid’s jersey can be covered with mud
But never with stripes
Right now Real Madrid is losing a pre-season game
Dude, who are you gonna blame today?
The club had to sell Ronaldo, there was no other way
There should be a ban for saying his annoying name
Because it’s all as clear as day
That our team will never be the same
Maybe we’ll reach the heights of fame
Or just will drown in the deepest shame
So, let’s help the players to find a new aim
Let’s burn all the rumours in the flame
The new season has come like a sea breeze
Barca is gonna sail through it with ease
Dear R. Madrid, can you finally win La Liga, please?
Who knows how a loss in the Champions League final feels
For sure, Marcelo will write ‘2019’ on the knees
This team is not as arrogant as it seems
But these players are gonna ruin your dreams
Madridistas, be ready to party on the floor
Because Real Madrid’s new coach is J-Lo
Navas is gonna score the coolest free-kick goal
Messi and Ronaldo will be jealous, lol
Let’s find out who is the real GOAT
The best lucky charm ever is Zidane’s coat
Add some music to this poem and you’ll get a hit
Also, now it’s time to finally admit
Real Madrid has to buy some players whose are fit
For example, Pele and Maradona
Oh yeah, that would be lit
So be it!
The coach who always wears sunglasses and never checks newsfeed - Real Madrid’s new coach Julen Lepetegui has some problems with his vision, that’s why always wears sunglasses during training sessions — even when it rains. He also deleted all his social media accounts a few weeks ago (probably to be more concentrated on work), so now he doesn’t check his newsfeed.
Ramos is no more welcomed in the Egyptian pyramids - a reference to Mohamed Salah’s injury in the Champions League final in 2018.
Who is gonna score at the Wanda - the Wanda Metropolitano is the home stadium of Atletico Madrid.
Real Madrid is gonna wear Twitter Night Mode - the colour of Real Madrid’s away jersey for this season is similar to Twitter Night Mode.
The new Real Madrid's jersey is definitely not classic black, it's something between medium jungle green, dark jungle green, dark gunmetal, Charleston green and eerie black.— Sofi Serg (@SofiSerg_) May 29, 2018
I would also call it "Twitter Night Mode colour"
Looks interesting anyway.#RealMadrid pic.twitter.com/aAx5licbKa
Ronaldo’s in a prison garb - a prison garb has some similarities to the Juventus jersey - it’s also white with black with horizontal stripes. This line is a reference to Cristiano Ronaldo’s problems with Spanish tax laws.
Florentino Perez better buy a fax - a reference to the failed transfer of David De Gea from Manchester United to Real Madrid on deadline day in the Summer 2015. The transfer fell through due to some problems with documents caused by a broken fax in Real Madrid’s office.
Now Valdebebas is located on Mars - Valdebebas (also known as Ciudad Real Madrid) is the club’s training ground located in the suburbs of Madrid.
Casillas is gonna land on the dark side of the Moon - a few weeks ago Iker Casillas posted a controversial tweet in which he casts doubt on the moon landing in 1969. The tweet caused a huge reaction among the press and the fans.
Misfortune twisted on the dragon’s tale - Gareth Bale’s nickname is The Welsh Dragon.
Flo Perez put Modric under house arrest - a reference to a complicated situation with the potential transfer of Luka Modric from Real Madrid. According to rumours, the player wants to leave but the club is not going to sell him.
Go say what you think about it in 280 characters - the maximum amount of characters in a Twitter post.
Mendes is planning some transfer dealings - Jorge Mendes is the football agent of many football superstars including Cristiano Ronaldo and James Rodriguez.
When is Lucas Silva gonna come back - Lucas Silva is a Real Madrid player who is currently on loan in Cruzeiro.
A good question for the Mailbag - you can read the latest one here.
A bull and a flag of red - a reference to Spanish corrida.
Comunicado Oficial - translates as “Official Announcement”. Real Madrid starts every announcement (including the ones about transfers) on social networks with this phrase and the fans get nervous and excited each time they see it in their newsfeed.
Bale forgot that Ronaldo’s goal is in copyright - a reference to Gareth Bale’s goal in the Champions League final 2018. This goal was very similar to Ronaldo’s one against Juventus and, according to rumours, Cristiano was quite annoyed that some sports media put Gareth’s goal higher in the ratings.
You can hear Isco calling ‘Drama!’ in his backyard - one of Isco’s dogs is named Drama.
Barca is gonna sail through it with ease - ‘Barca’ is a nickname of Barcelona football club, but it also means ‘boat’ in Spanish. So this line has a pun and can be interpreted in two ways: “Barcelona is gonna sail through it with ease” and “A boat is gonna sail through it with ease”.
Marcelo will write ‘2019’ on the knees - Marcelo has a tattoo of the Champions League cup on his left knee. The tattoo also includes all successful dates for him in this tournament - 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018.
Real Madrid’s new coach is J-Lo - Julen Lopetegui’s nickname is J-Lo, but it’s also the nickname of an American pop singer Jennifer Lopez (and one of her hit songs is called “On The Floor”).
GOAT - an acronym for Greatest Of All Time.
Beware of the fake news.